Many parents unfortunately deal with the issue of not being able to trust their teenager. If you’re one of the parents exclaiming “I Can’t Trust My Teenager” don’t worry – you’re not alone and there are many things you can do in order to have better success with trusting your teenager.
Typically the reason most parents feel that they can’t trust their teenager is because they have done things in the past that have betrayed your trust or make you wary of their ability to make good decisions or handle responsibility. Maybe they have broken curfew several times, for other parents dealing with things such as lying and deception are a regular thing. Perhaps you have found they are experimenting with drugs and alcohol and you are concerned about addiction.
So if you can’t trust your teenager, what can you do? Here are some tips:
1. Talk with You Teenager: Talking with teenagers is no easy task, but its one positive step in making a change in your relationship with one another and helping you establish trust in him or her. Explain that you would like to be able to trust them, but you have your concerns and why you are reserved. Ask them if they know of any thing they could do that could help you trust them more. Brainstorm for ideas together and listen to your child. It could be that they need help with being more organized, or maybe something else is bothering them that is causing them to make poor decisions.
2. Determine if Your Teenager Can Be Trusted: It’s easy to give a teenager trust, but its equally as easy for that teenager to take total advantage of that trust and then do explicitly the opposite of what you would expect and hope for them. If your teenager does not deserve your trust, then you should not give it to them right away. Trust needs to be earned. Instead it helps to focus on things they can do to make you trust them and feel confident they will make the right decisions.
3. Give Your Teenager Opportunities to Be Trusted: There are many things you can do initially to begin to build trust within your relationship. You can ask your teen to do something simple, such as to turn on the oven at 4:00 to start dinner. You could also ask them to do other things that would create an opportunity for you to trust them. You will learn quickly if you can trust them for more important things or if you still need to work on the ability to trust them.
4. Deal With Punishment Appropriately: Many parents either will discipline a teen with over-punishment or under punishment when a teenager does something to break their trust. If your punishment is too severe, it will likely only encourage them to continue to act negatively. Likewise, if the consequence is insignificant, they will not really learn from the experience. Punishments need to be appropriate for the behavior. Sometimes natural consequences can be enough. (You didn’t make dinner, so now you don’t eat dinner)
5. Seek Counseling if the Problem Persists: If your teenager continues to display signs that you can’t trust them, going to family counseling sessions can be an excellent way to work out the reasons you cannot trust them and to help them learn how to manage their behavior better. You will learn some excellent tips to be a good parent, and they will learn how to act responsibly.
6. Be Involved: Many times teenagers and parents don’t spend enough time together. Get involved with your teenager’s life by scheduling fun activities to do together (with and without their friends), volunteer and participate in school functions, and keep communication lines between teachers and other school staff open. The more involved you are in your teens life the more you will get to know you teen better and build a stronger relationship with them.
It’s not easy when you’re a parent who is saying I can’t trust my teenager. Creating opportunities to build trust and by dealing with broken trust appropriately can help immensely. If all else fails, speaking to a professional can give you helpful insight into your teenager’s behavior and help you survive the teenage years as a parent.
